Christmas is coming
Well, we have made it to the final Monday in November. I have actually done some Christmas shopping and for the first time in the last three years I am truly looking forward to Christmas.
This year we have taken a more relaxed approach and broken long standing traditions. You see, both my two adult children have flown the nest which helped me to realise that it was time to create a new Christmas. This year the family will be exchanging gifts on Christmas Eve as we will all be together to go to church and SHOCK HORROR – order a takeaway afterwards.
Waitrose is delivering Christmas dinner in foil trays so I only have to think about what order to put them in the oven – and if Bob wants to sit dinner out then fine.
We have not got extended family visiting on the day so we will probably spend it in our new PJs – AND I DON’T CARE!!
I have always been a stickler for Christmas – I have always cooked a feast, followed the kids round with my bin bag, welcomed visitors and had a beautiful table.
It’s taken me into my forties to realise that none of that matters. All I want for Christmas is a regulated and happy boy so we will do it all our own way from now on.
You can’t cancel Christmas
He knows that you can’t cancel Christmas (ask the Grinch) and that there is no naughty list. His elves are ready to visit for some fun (for the last year this time) and he has picked his own advent calendar. Trips to theatres, concerts and parties have been pared down and prepared for. We are good to go!
Wins this week
- Bob has had a good weekend with little wins aplenty. We even managed a day off ADHD meds on Sunday (first time since May).
- Bob took his Go Henry card off to town on Saturday. He picked out gifts for the family from him. Socks for dad, Jaffa cakes for big sister, Lego for big brother – all very thoughtful.
- He didn’t buy me anything because he said he was going to give me all his love. (Very sweet – but I suspect it’s because he has his eye on something for himself to spend his last few pounds on!)
- A trip to a local Christmas market don’t result in demands to go on rides or buy toys. Husband and son were still talking on their return.
- He recognised that at a family meal out on Friday he might get bored. He decided to take his Switch to entertain himself. I claim that’s a win as he projected forward.
- Homework done with no fuss. Again.
- Dressed in 10 mins this morning
- Behaved beautifully at a family evening out with friends on Saturday
- Was able to articulate the difference his ADHD meds make to him
- Stayed regulated in the face of broken routines aplenty
- Asked the ASDA delivery driver if he would like some help to unload the shopping from his van. ‘because it is kind’
- And a partridge in a pear tree
What I learned
This month has taught me that the little things matter, that a lot of big things are happening and that we are beginning to understand the mysteries of developmental trauma and how to manage them. I have learned that friends are awesome and should be cherished and that laughing in the face of adversity (accompanied by dark humour and wine) is the way forward in the journey that is adoption.
Have a wonderful festive season, don’t sweat the small stuff and if all else fails, hide in the shed!!!!